The Streets Diary

The Streets Best Kept Secrets Exposed

The 6 Types Of Sperm Jackers

Posted by yoMcLovin on March 8, 2011

Unfortunately for us all, a threat has emerged that’s not out to get your money, your freedom or your season tickets. Instead, this little menace has its eyes set on something else entirely: your sperm. It might be hard to believe, but a new book written by author Mary Pols suggests that an increasing number of women are resorting to rather desperate measures in order to get pregnant — even if it’s by a guy they’ve just met. According to Pols, and others like her, some women who are coming to the end of their most fertile years are left with no other choice than to get knocked up “Accidentally on Purpose” — which is also the title of the book.
So beware of the sperm-jacker: She’s out there after your man juice. She’s all about getting pregnant and not about being into you. You’ll need to know what the chances are that they’re going to wreck your life by demanding your daddy dedication. Avoid this testicular thief as much as possible; but, in the case that your sperm finds that egg, man up and let the mother know that you’ll do what needs to be done as far as taking care of your offspring drama-free. Be prepared to draw the line regarding your involvement and your connection to her crazy ass.
1- The Lesbian
She doesn’t like men. No, sir. She’s into women. However, somewhere along the way, the Lesbian realized that while she won’t want you, she’ll need you — or at least your sperm. She may come out directly and ask for your contribution via fertilization or the old-fashioned way.
Daddy Expectation Level: Low, if any at all. The Lesbian will be more likely to agree to some visitation, however, most likely, she won’t want you in the picture at all — not to raise the kid and definitely not for her and her girlfriend (put your fantasies away).
2- The Girl Running Out Of Time
She’s a dangerous one because the Girl Running Out Of Time is looking for the “just-add-water” family. Bed you, sperm-jack you and then start picking out the house, the fence and baby names. The relationship train has passed her lots of times and she is looking to derail the next locomotive coming by.
Daddy Expectation Level: High, because this girl wants the full family experience. Tonight it’ll be a hot date with no need for condoms. Tomorrow it’ll be her big stomach and her low sex drive.
3- The Trapster
The next type of sperm-jacker is the Trapster. She is out to get you and her web is a nine-pound, seven-ounce ambush. You probably know this girl from back in the day and moved on for whatever reason, but she’s still stuck on you. The Trapster still wants you and she’ll flirt and seduce just to get your sperm. Sperm-jacked = baby, and baby = you trapped forever.
Daddy Expectation Level: Ultra dangerously high. This girl will want you around — but not just as a father figure (which would be the right thing to do) but as her husband forever (which you should avoid at all cost).
4- Miss Lonely
With no relationships to speak of, Miss Lonely is looking for someone to cling to. She’s easy to notice as she’s awkward and a general social leper. However, she’s female and it won’t take much if she throws her vagina on you. One night, she may be the Damn-It-Girl (after all the other women go home, you look at her and say: “Damn it, girl, let’s go!”).
Daddy Expectation Level: Unpredictable, as she’s a nut job and socially inept. She may want you around forever or may not be able to handle a relationship. Be ready to focus solely on the baby.
5- The Gold Digger
Baller’s Beware this type is probably the worst of all the sperm-jackers. The Gold Digger has eyes on one thing your bank account and she knows the way to withdraw money with out your 4-digit pin code, a baby. She’ll use your child to her advantage to get money that she will rarely spend on the child. She’ll threaten to take you to child support she’ll threaten to run cross country if her financial demands are not met. She is the worst of all, typically The Gold Digger is a beautiful Goddess-Demon Angel in disguise so beware.
Daddy Expectation Level: Unpredictable, because if you’re a good father like you should be she’ll use that to her advantage for her gain by refusing you the opportunity to be in your childs life. Best bet is to steer clear of all Gold Diggers your one-night in Heaven will cost you 18 years in Hell.
6- Miss Independent
The last in our list of different types of sperm-jackers is Miss Independent. There’s always the one woman who hates men. She’s not a lesbian, she’s just angry. Her life is full of what a man can’t do for her. However, at the end of her day, she’s wanting that little one to fulfill a need deep down inside. That’s where you come in with your sperm.
Daddy Expectation Level: None, as she will constantly remind you that she doesn’t want or need a man. Be a man and do your best to be a dad even though Miss Independent thinks she can be one too.

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